The top 10 things everyone in a band hears entirely too often
By Doug Kroening
Up until now I have tried to provide you, the reader, with important information, entertaining stories, and interesting anecdotes: all things I plan to continue trying to provide. However, after my short hiatus from writing, I thought we could have a little fun.
After all, nothing is more fun than fun, right?
I have put together a top 10 list of things anyone who has ever been in a band has heard at one time or another. These are purely for fun and not intended to offend or annoy anyone. Please take them with a grain of salt and enjoy.
- “My cousin (brother, uncle, buddy, or any other acquaintance) is in a band, and they’re really good. They play that Stevie Ray Vaughan stuff better than Stevie did.”
- “Where’s your book? Wait a minute. This isn’t karaoke?”
- “You should go on ‘American Idol.’”
- “You know how (enter song title here) goes? Sure you do. Just play it”
- “You guys would be really good if you weren’t so loud. I’m going to see AC/DC next week, front row too!”
- “That didn’t sound like the record.”
- “I’ve got this buddy who works for a big record company. If you just give me five CDs, I will see that he gets them.”
- “Can I play the drums? I’ve always wanted to jam out on some drums.”
- “What are you guys doing here? You should be on Letterman or something.”
We have all heard these or at least a good number of these at gigs over the years. The “Freebird” request is the most prominent. Let us look at the “Freebird” phenomenon.
The guilty party in this particular request is generally located in the back of any room. It starts as an occasional shout in the middle of the first set but increases in volume and becomes more frequent as your show continues.
Years ago the band I was in actually learned the song as a retaliatory measure. It turns out nobody actually wants to hear “Freebird.”
I have often wondered who the first offender was and how that particular request ever became the thing to yell at a band. I am sure there are no answers to be found in this matter. It is the musicians’ equivalent to the chicken or the egg dilemma.
After much thought and years of research, I can only conclude that, on at least some occasions, the person yelling “Freebird” probably has a cousin in a band, wants to be a drummer, loves karaoke, watches “American Idol” and Letterman, goes to AC/DC concerts, and is an expert critic who knows someone in a high position at a record company.
Just my luck.